This appeared as a Guest Column in the February 1, 2023 Brunswick Port.
Column Text A guy jumps out of an airplane whilst reading his instructions: Pull the yellow cord; if the parachute doesn’t open, pull the red cord. A truck will pick you up. He pulls the yellow cord and nothing happens. He pulls the red cord and nothing happens. He thinks, “I’ll bet the truck doesn’t show up, either.”
As he gets closer to the ground, he sees another man flying UP. He yells, “Do you know anything about parachutes?” The other guy replies, “No. Do you know anything about gas stoves?”
Remember when we started the War on Christmas? Remember when we sent President Obama to your house to get your guns? Thanks to Fox News and its imitators (the Not-Main-Stream-Media, or NMSM), you are now also well aware of our plan to confiscate every gas stove in America. As the NMSM so wisely points out, we liberals are not just evil, we’re also not very smart.
Our evil is obvious. NMSM viewers know that we don’t truly care about the environment or Americans’ way of life. Our goal is simply to make everyone miserable. This starts with taking away things like guns and gas stoves. We won’t be satisfied until we’ve got them all.
Now, let’s talk about how dumb we libs really are. (Out of character side note: ‘Defund the Police’ truly was a dumb idea. It’s so dumb that NMSM didn’t even make it up like they made up the Mythical War on Christmas, Biden’s push to open our borders, and Obama coming for your guns. Okay, now back in character.)
If we only had a brain. If so, we’d consider modern efficient and convenient electric stoves in place of gas ones for new construction only. But no, we’re going to knock on everyone’s doors to confiscate them. We would understand that natural gas, also called methane, is a major cause of climate change. Yet, we’d be able to perceive and communicate the fact that the transition to truly green energy (not as defined by Mike DeWine and the Ohio Legislature), although necessary, is not going to happen overnight.
How, you may ask, can we possibly be so stupid? For example, we don’t know that although everyone will benefit from clean energy, less pollution, and fewer greenhouse gasses, the conversion needs to be done with great care. We’d be aware that despite what Mike DeWine tells you, methane is neither green nor clean. Saying that it’s green just because it’s cleaner than coal is like saying lead poisoning is good for you because it’s better than mercury poisoning.
If you accept Mike DeWine’s definition of green energy, if you believe what NMSM tells you about us coming for your gas stoves, then you are surely as smart as a fox (pun intended). Someday perhaps us libs could become as smart as you. Maybe it would help if we were ‘owned’ by some MAGA types.
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Dan
Horvath lives in Brunswick, where he's making room in his garage for several
million gas stoves. |
